Blessed

Well I'm really not sure if I have made this post before, and really wanted to make it before its too late. I have been doing a lot of complaining :) but I just need to make it known how TRULY truly blessed I feel during this time.

Seeing as there is not a ton of time left in my pregnancy, the complaints are becoming even more common these days! I'm becoming more uncomfortable these days, since its coming into the home stretch here!

I feel very blessed to be pregnant, especially because, as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a mom. I have wanted to feel and be present in the whole journey, from the surprise of finding out, to learning the sex, to seeing the ultrasounds, to feeling my little one move inside me, to the experience of birth.

However, as excited and as much as I looked forward to this time in my life...I had a lot of anxiety about it too. I was honestly scared as could be that, for some reason, I may never be able to become pregnant, or have a child of my own.

I'll be honest, when I saw that little "PREGNANT" on the screen of my test, I was scared. I was shocked and scared. No one would have said this would be the most ideal time in life to start a family. However, in the back of my mind (and later in the forefront) I realized how amazingly blessed I was to have a child of my own growing inside me.

I have learned to be thankful for everyday that my little girl grows stronger inside of me. I have seen the stories of the poor couples who cannot conceive, the women who cannot hold a healthy pregnancy, the women who have dealt with babies born too early, the families whose babies have to spend weeks or months in the NICU, and the women who deal with the terrible loses. I am thankful every time my little girl kicks or punches me. I know she is still strong and growing away inside me.

I love being a vessel for Macyn's growth. I love knowing that, while everyone has to wait to meet my little girl, I already know more about her than anyone ever will. I love knowing that we already have a special bond that no one can ever have with her. I love that I am holding her and helping her grow big and strong, so that she can face the world when she is good and ready.

I thank God for giving me the chance to know this little girl. Thank you God for giving me the chance to be a mom. There are no words for how blessed I truly feel.

There are times that I forget this; I'll be feeling tired, stressed, or sad. Its becoming increasingly difficult to make it through the days. I'll be the first to admit that I complain easily. But I hope that I can look back and remember this post and the positive feelings that I feel.

I know that pregnancy is not what I ever expected it to be. However, in some ways it is MORE! In a lot of ways really, it is more than I could ever imagine. I could have never imagined the happiness I would feel seeing that heartbeat on the ultrasound screen for the first time! I could never dream the way my heart would skip a beat and my breath would catch the first time I felt my little girl kick. I could never imagine the true surprise I would feel the first time the tech. told me "Its a girl!"

I love this experience, and through all the tough times I just remind myself (or my little girl kicks and reminds me! :) ) that it will all be worth it when I hold my beautiful little girl! All the struggles will be SO minimal when I get an amazingly beautiful child, that is a little bit of Scott and a little bit of me. We will truly be so connected in a way that I could never imagine. We will TRULY be a family!

Our own family. The word is so much sweeter now!