Well this week has just been a roller coaster of emotions. Mostly negative emotions are what I've been experiencing this week. Its like...I'm either sad, or crabby. Yesterday I started off the morning feeling pretty down in the dumps. I went online, and then started to worry. Yesterday it had officially been 3 weeks since the last time I saw my baby. I worried that maybe he or she wasn't there any more or just...IDK had stopped growing or disappeared. It was a scary thought and all I really wanted to do was go to the ER and get an ultrasound. I called my new OBGYN and her nurse really helped to talk me down.
She suggested that I start taking my anti-anxiety again, however, I'm still scared. They call it a "Class C" medication. Class D medications are completely safe, and class c's can be taken. They are considered only if the benefits out weigh the risks. While my doctor may believe that the benefits outweigh the risks, I don't really feel the same. I want to know...what are the risks!? What could happen? I want this baby so badly, I love it more than anything I can describe and to know that I may be selfish and take some medication that may harm him/her would kill me. So I haven't started taking it yet. I'm trying to be more calm. We will see how that goes.
I've been having some problems with my right upper leg area. I guess a side affect of pregnancy is something called Sciatica. Its pressure on your sciatic nerve. Well it is VERY painful and is making working REALLY difficult right now. Tonight I had to expo and I was in SO much pain, I could barely stand. If I put any pressure on my right leg or my right toes, a shooting pain goes through my butt and upper leg and it feels like my who leg is going to give out on me. I can't wait to see the doctor and see what I can do about this. The ER doctor told me that the best we could really do was to take tylenol and rest. Well its tough to rest when you work at a restaurant!
I was pretty moody at work tonight! Expo is tough to do at any time, then when you are pregnant, its just really stressful. It was tough to handle the other servers getting all freaked out about how long their food was taking or whatever. I got really stressed out. As much as that bothers me, I don't really know how to prevent that. I get offended and super sad really easily. I suppose there isn't really too much that I can do about that though. I do what I can!
Blogging feels like it helps a little! Its nice to have something to do on the internet to distract me. Today, to distract me, we went to a paint your own pottery studio. That was tons of fun. Scott painted a monkey for me, and I painted a little pot :) I'm excited to see how they turn out. It was a pretty good day over all. I'm just doing my best to make it through each day.
I can't WAIT to go home over next weekend. I'm pretty sure that I don't work on Saturday night, so I'm thinking we will try to leave that night. On Sunday we are going to a pasta lunch at church with Mom and Dad. I'm just excited to see everyone again and be less stressed. Being at my house recently has been tough, so I look forward to being with people who care about me a lot and know how to make me feel better!
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